I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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