Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
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yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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