god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I touched a dick in church today
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize