I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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