Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize