Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
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She swung at the pinata with crutches
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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