No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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