why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize