I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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