When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
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My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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