i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
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im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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