you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize