so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize