when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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