You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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