Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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