These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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