I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
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All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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