Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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