The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
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