Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
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whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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