My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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