I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
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we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
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For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
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