Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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