I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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