remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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