So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize