she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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