I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
