I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize