she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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