Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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