I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize