I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
