you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
