It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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