Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
