Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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