in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
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Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
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the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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