You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize