Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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