I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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