when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize