how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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