It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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