I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
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Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
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I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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