does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
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The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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