I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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