There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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