I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
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this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
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Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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