I met the friendliest cop last night
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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