This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My vagina is very pro this idea
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize