You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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