there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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